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Kes

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Doors [Nov. 24th, 2008|02:02 pm]
Kes
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[Current Music |"Muscle Museum," by Muse]

Dear proud owners of the Y chromosome:

I've noticed lately, that I do a funny thing. When I get to a door before someone, I hold it open for them. Some people consider this good manners.

Now, the way I understand it, it's also good manners to walk through this door and say "Thank you". Granted, if you don't say thank you, it's fine. And yes, it is a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when someone insists on pushing the door open when I'm clearly holding it, but I suppose if that's your thing, go for it.

What I do not understand is why I am running into more and more males who flat out refuse to walk through a door I am holding for them. Nor am I any more capable of understanding why someone would literally push me through said doorway so I could go first. So far the only explanations I have received fall along the lines of "I'm a gentleman" or "That's not how I was raised".

I would like to inform you that I am not a lady. I do not know how to dance, do needlepoint or sing. I am simply a human being who is trying to be nice to you.

I am also not a crazy feminist. If you were to hold the door for me (without pushing me out of the way to do so) I would walk through and thank you. I am, however, a feminist (to where I believe in gender equality) and saying that me holding a door for you goes against your morals is not a fair argument because me giving up the door for you to hold it and let me go through first goes against mine. And, I don't think I'm being silly in saying that your request is a little more unreasonable than mine is.

To take a line from those men who rant about women who yell at them for holding open a door "I was just trying to be polite, so STFU, bitch."

I also understand that this rant doesn't apply to most guys, and that's awesome; keep up the good work.

-Kes
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Comments:
From: kungfoofengshui
2008-11-24 08:24 pm (UTC)
girls open doors for me, I open doors for them.

Silly guys.
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-24 08:34 pm (UTC)
inorite? You fall under the "keep up the good work" category. ^_^

<3
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 12:56 am (UTC)
Hee!
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[User Picture]From: sdrawkcabetirwi
2008-11-24 09:11 pm (UTC)
Odd, I've never had my open door be unaccepted. :P

But generally I don't actually hold the door open and stand back, I walk in and hold the door with my hand so the person right behind me doesn't get smacked in the face.

I had never put so much thought into door opening etiquette since I started college. There are a lot of doors here that are obnoxious and a lot of people who need to get through them at varying intervals, I suppose.
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 12:56 am (UTC)
College has made me hate doors so much. You have no idea.
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From: ryukonotsuki
2008-11-24 10:03 pm (UTC)
This is an awesome entry. I agree 100%.

I also like your clear differentiation between 'crazy' feminism and actual feminists. Crazy feminists are all -- "Oh my god; we were downtrodden for so long; we MUST claim power for ourselves!" Actual feminists (which fit into the definition of feminism) are all about equality -- which means both people should have equal rights to holding the door.

What's interesting is that these men were brought up with what is known socially as 'being a gentleman' -- and think they are being 'nice' by holding the door for you, or refusing to step through when you hold it. What they don't realize is that their 'nice' actions are actually demeaning and born as a result of a male patriarchal society.

In their minds, they're being nice, and polite. -- And in their minds, they are just as right as you. So -- there you have it; yay, interpretation.

As I said above, I agree with you wholeheartedly; I'm just explaining why certain people think this way -- that they may not necessarily be assholes, just not know any better. I especially liked your point about morals impeding upon each other. Very good...
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[User Picture]From: kiwimark
2008-11-24 10:51 pm (UTC)
You're kind of weird.
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From: ryukonotsuki
2008-11-25 12:40 am (UTC)
Which statement provoked that? o.O;;
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[User Picture]From: kiwimark
2008-11-24 10:49 pm (UTC)
I thought there was a monster in the room and was sending you in to be eaten first.
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 12:55 am (UTC)
If I told you the whole "being a polite" thing was a cover for "not wanting to get eaten" the cover would be blown, right?
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[User Picture]From: tomthesaint
2008-11-24 11:56 pm (UTC)
Clearly the problem here is that you are not aware that women explode if they hold the door open for a man. This is a well known biological fact which these "gentlemen" are brought up with. Sadly, the majority of us forget this from time to time, and actually appreciate when you hold the door open, thanking you and going through (though sometimes I touch the door as a habit, as though I were going to hold it open, but I do that with everyone).

I suppose until we all come to our senses and agree about the exploding part, I'll just have to say good job not conforming to silly social norms and being a polite human being instead of a "lady"

=P
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 12:53 am (UTC)
Funny, you'd think I'd notice every time I explode. I'll have to pay attention next time I hold a door open.
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[User Picture]From: q_sama
2008-11-25 05:34 pm (UTC)
Word.

one of my best friends in college made me want to spit venom - I forgive him a little bit 'cause it was incredibly cultural (he's Venezuelan), but I think he should've gotten it after the upteenth time I explained WHY I hold doors open for people.
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From: ryukonotsuki
2008-11-25 07:56 pm (UTC)
I love your icon!
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 11:23 pm (UTC)
Good to know I'm not the only one who's ever had this problem.
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From: lea_hazel
2008-11-25 07:10 pm (UTC)
How does being a gentleman translate into pushing people?

Reason #8907625 why I don't get masculinity.
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-25 11:24 pm (UTC)
inorite?

What's reason #59874?
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From: lea_hazel
2008-11-28 10:45 am (UTC)
"I should never express my emotions until they're so overwhelmingly strong I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown."
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[User Picture]From: 19_99
2008-11-28 11:29 pm (UTC)
Heh, that's pretty far down the list for that one. <3
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